


Flag Folding

by RavenclawProngs



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 12:23:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4263159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenclawProngs/pseuds/RavenclawProngs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just lie to me.</p><p>Just let me lie to myself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flag Folding

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Post Secret (third one down)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/125178) by spacedmonkey. 



 

Rodney watched as John, face carefully neutral and polite, bent at the waist and handed the blue triangle of cloth to Fenrick’s grieving widow. He was too far back to hear but he knew John was saying all the obligatory things about “grateful appreciation” and “distinguished service” and Rodney just felt sick. She didn’t know, might not ever know, that it was so much more than that. She didn’t know her husband died saving an entire planet of people she’d never meet. Rodney wanted to stand up and scream “he was an intergalactic explorer! He helped us fight life-sucking aliens!” Instead he bit the inside of his cheek and kept silent. He didn’t talk as everyone slowly left the gravesite, didn’t talk as John held the door for him, didn’t talk as he drove back to the hotel. He still hadn’t said a word by the time they reached their hotel room and John had started throwing him worried looks almost half an hour ago.

John was just opening his mouth to break the silence himself when Rodney tackled him to the bed, the door barely closed behind them. John let out a quiet “oof” as Rodney’s weight landed on top of him then stared up in confusion as Rodney pinned his wrists above his head.

“I don’t want them to give me your goddamn flag, Sheppard. I don’t want some Airman telling me how privileged they are to tell me you’re a fucking hero—I already know what you are, okay? I want you to die in our bed, right beside me, at the very same time as me, because I forgot how to live without you and I don’t want to relearn that. You don’t _get_ to die without me.”

John’s eyes were wide and soft as he met Rodney’s gaze solemnly. “Rodney—”

“Hush. I know, okay? I—” his voice cracked. “I know, just, _please_ , John, I can’t—”

“Hey now, I—it’s okay, okay? Me—me, too, alright?” John’s voice sounded just as choked as Rodney’s as he pulled his arms free and wrapped them around Rodney. Tight, like he’d never let go and Rodney closed his eyes and let himself pretend that they could keep this, that they didn’t have dangerous jobs and a low life-expectancy. He breathed in deep, wishing desperately that he’d never have another Earth-side funeral to attend, another Athosian death ceremony to fumble through, another Lantean funerary rite to arrange, knowing it was futile but unable to kill the hope that there was a way to save everyone. If he was just smart enough, fast enough, if he and John, and Teyla and Ronon and—everyone—if they worked hard enough, maybe everyone could just die in their sleep, peaceful and quiet the way Grandma McKay had died.

Rodney snuffled into John’s shoulder and pretended he wasn’t shaking. John smoothed his hand down Rodney’s back, slow and soothing, murmuring nonsense into his hair. They lay there for a long time, just holding on, anchored in the here and now as if the strength of their embrace would keep them both safe.

 

~~~~~~~

 

_"As a representative of the United States Air Force, it is my high privilege to present you this flag. Let it be a symbol of the grateful appreciation this nation feels for the distinguished service rendered to our country and our flag by your loved one."_


End file.
